Icha Icha Paradise: Women's Edition
by Celcius
Summary: Kakashi runs into Kumiko literally. She is reading a version of Icha Icha Paradise that he has never seen before. He wants to read that book. He will read that book...
1. The Book

Introduction time. I must warn you, this story, if I do it correctly, will be slightly crazy.

(((((Hidden Leaf Village)))))

Kakashi let out a sigh as he strolled down the street. Today. Was not a good day. Today. Was a bad day. Why was it so bad, you ask? Because Kakashi was bored. And a bored Kakashi is not a happy Kakashi. Sure, he was lazy. But sleeping, or just sitting and being lazy, was still doing something. He wasn't even happy doing nothing today.

He needed to read something!

But he'd already read the first five volumes of Icha Icha Paradise. And a new one wasn't supposed to come out for another month.

He sighed deeply again. This was turning out to be a good day...

"OOF!"

Kakashi collided with someone. His boredom induced trance was not a plus for his ninja skills. He looked at who he ran into. Well, damn...

Kumiko blinked at Kakashi. He looked blankly at her. He braced himself for an explosion of expletives and, well, explosives. It never came.

"Sorry, K. Was busy reading. You good?"

Kakashi nodded dully at her. She raised an eyebrow. He stared.

"Is it awkward in here, or is that just you?"

Kumiko started to leave. Kakashi saw her book sitting on the ground.

"Wait."

Kumiko turned back.

"Don't forget your... book?"

Kakashi looked at the cover.

"Oh. Thanks."

Kumiko grabbed the book, opened it to a page, and continued to read as she walked away. Kakashi still sat on the ground.

He wasn't in shock so much as to what type of book she was reading. Knowing Kumiko, she would read any type of book, including adult books. But she was reading an Icha Icha Paradise.

He had not read that Icha Icha Paradise.

A gleam of something shown in his eye. He started to formulate a plan in his mind. He started laughing as it all fell into place.

"Yes. Yes! YES!"

Kakashi laughed like a maniac.

He would read that book!

"..."

"Gai-sensei? Is Kakashi-sensei feeling well?"

"I truly do not know Lee. I truly do not know."

(((((TBC)))))


	2. The Bath House

Now on to chapter 1! Kakashi makes good use of his wonderful tracking skeelz (not skills, skeelz).

Now, let us see where Kakashi is this fine morning, shall we?

(((((Hidden Leaf Village- Kakashi's Apartment)))))

It had not been a good night for Kakashi. 24 hours after seeing Kumiko with her book, and not finding a copy of it at any of his regular stops, he had then come home to formulate his plan. It had taken him all night, but he had to be sneakier than the sneakiest ninja he knew.

Kakashi went over his plans one last time. He checked to make sure he had all of his needed equipment. As he packed up and left his apartment, he started to laugh again. His plan was foolproof!

"Mwahaha... hahahahaha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Gai, who lived right next door to Kakashi, stood outside of his apartment, wearing his usual bunny slippers and fuzzy green robe. He took a sip of coffee, and he stared. He shook his head as he locked his door, praying to any higher power that Kakashi would leave soon.

Mission One Commence

Location: Konoha Bath House

Needed tools: Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu and smoke bombs in need of covered escape

Kakashi peeked around the corner. He knew that Kumiko and her team mates came here every other morning after some training.

He pressed himself more into the wall as Kumiko, Takai, and Umi came around the other corner, heading for the entrance. Looking closely, Kakashi saw the book! It was in Kumiko's bag. He smiled to himself.

Perfect.

Kakashi quickly slipped back behind the wall as Kumiko glanced over toward him. She blinked, but shook her head.

"See something?"

"Thought I saw Kakashi. He's been acting weird lately."

The conversation faded out as they went inside the bath house. Kakashi sighed. That was too close. Kakashi quickly looked around. It was early, so very few people were out. He concentrated.

There was a puff of smoke, and out emerged a very female looking Kakashi. They would never know...

(((((In the Bath House)))))

Kumiko settled herself down into the hot water, sighing as her body inched its way down. Her arms were killing her, and her legs were numb. And the ab-crunchers she did. Oh, Lord, the ab-crunchers! She was surprised that her body was willing to let her bend enough to sit down.

She reached her hand behind her, feeling for her bag and her book. She found a foot instead.

Kumiko glanced upward, finding the smiling face of a young woman, probably in her mid-twenties. She was a... well-endowed woman, curvy beyond all reason. Kumiko raised an eyebrow.

"Hi!"

Kumiko winced. The woman was awful perky.

"Hi."

"Might I join you?"

Kumiko raised her other brow to join the first one.

"Sure."

The woman plopped down next to her. Kumiko studied the woman. She was tall and lanky, with long silver hair. Her eyes were dark. Well, one eye was. Her left eye was covered by her hair. Kumiko though she had seen that somewhere before, but shrugged it off.

"My name's Kumiko. Yours?"

The woman looked up quickly, pausing. She then looked at Kumiko.

"Oh, sorry. It's Kashi."

The woman smiled brightly, almost blinding Kumiko. It had to be coincidence.

"Uh, sure. Kashi, could you hand me my book? It's in the purple bag, the red book."

Kashi nodded, reaching over to grab the book. Kashi's heart beat rapidly. This was it. She would finally have the book. She could grab it, and run. Kumiko was sneaky, but slightly slow. There was only one problem.

The way Kashi turned, Kumiko could now see her left eye beneath her hair. Her red, scarred eye. Kumiko's faced puffed up in indignation, turning slightly red. Her clenched teeth uttered one, angry word.

"Kakashi..."

Before Kakashi could tell what happened, a fist had hit his jaw, and he was landing on the floor, a few metres away from the common bath. Smoke quickly puffed up around him, revealing his true self. There was a large pause in all of the commotion of the bath house. Kakashi looked up.

"Um. Hello, ladies?"

Anyone who had not been in the women's bath at that moment would have thought someone was dying. They were not far off...

(((((TBC)))))

Okey dokey, people. New chapter up. Now don't bother me for a little while. I have a lot of fanfiction to update!

Thankls much, love Cels


	3. Filler: The Eye part 1

Everyone, thank you for your support in such difficult times. I know I may have been hard work with. Miraculously, just a few minutes ago, Cels' condition stabled! The doctors say that my muse will make a full recovery.

For those of you who don't know, my muse was in the hospital. Awhile ago, I "flame" (in the loosest sense of the word) for one of my stories. The flame was not so much scathing as it was annoying. Sadly, the flamer used all caps, a harsh handicap for my muse. Cels was badly blinded, and hospitalized. Luckily, she is now becoming able to see again, and will soon be released.

Until then, here is a slightly small, slightly filler chapter. Have fun.

Btw, this starts one day after the last chapter.

(((((o)))))

Kakashi was furious. He had been publicly embarrassed, in front of a large group of women no less! Sure, he had gotten some eyeful when Kumiko's towel slipped, but his eyes were so swollen shut it had been hard to see what was what.

Wait!

That's it! An eyeful was exactly what he needed.

(((((Later that Day)))))

Kumiko leapt deftly from building to building, the look on her face a mix of terror and annoyance.

A few metres behind her was Kakashi.

Kumiko quickly slipped into a crevice leading down into an alley. She stood flush against the wall, slowing her breathing. Using genjutsu, she blended into the wall, disappearing against it. She heard footsteps walking slowly in her direction. She focused on her hearing as much as possible.

The footsteps stopped near her. She heard fabric slip against skin. There was a clenching of fists. A small spot of silence. The person's head moved.

"Don't make me use the eye..."

Kumiko rolled her eyes. Dropping her genjutsu, she snuck back up the wall. Ironically, one of the walls that she slipped between was hers. Sliding the window open, she reached in. Her jo staff and her bokken 1 were right by the window. Picking them up, she slipped back up to the roof. Sneaking down the wall behind Kakashi, she took a deep but silent breath.

"Use the eye, will you!"

As Kakashi spun around to face her, she struck out with her staff. It stopped millimetres from his eye. She glared at him.

He blinked.

She lightly poked his Sharingan eye.

He ran off down the alley, holding his eye, yelling some off-colour vocabulary. She smiled successfully, twirling her staff under her arm. Taking her bokken, she went to climb back up to her room. She stood on the opposite roof, right under her own window, her building being a few floors taller. Taking her bokken in front of her, she quickly thrust it up and behind her, through her window. A loud yelp sounded. She reached inside the window, grabbing Kakashi's collar. She dropkicked him across a few roofs, and then leapt inside her window, promptly locking it.

Setting her bokken and jo off to the side, she collapsed on the bed, the Icha Icha Paradise: Women's Edition falling from her pocket.

Meanwhile, down the street, Kakashi was passed out. Naruto slurped up the last of his ramen, and then glanced at Kakashi.

"Tried to get Kumiko's book again?"

Kakashi gurgled.

(((((TBC)))))


End file.
